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"To Repair With Gold" You and I, the "what ifs" still haunt me. They shouldn't but just the same, they do. I blame it on TIME. She is a trickster. Skewing, altering, and editing my memories. The mind becoming like a river as the days, weeks, and months pass. On the surface, reflecting light and rainbows, yet hiding murky shadows held below. My heart jumps at the chance to remember the highlights, the mental photographs and snapshots of our life together. The , the adventures, and the minutes and hours that held us together, when all else fought to pull us apart. In the same second as my heart jumps, my mind seeks to hide the currents, the rocks, the dangers that existed in those depths; those dark times, full of silence, anger, and my tears... the moments that ultimately broke us apart. The , the . The ones that with stark finality, mapped out the unscalable mountains that lay between us, dividing us once and for all. And time still ticks...the mind still plays...and now I wait. Again. This time, no longer waiting for you, but waiting for my heart to , for my soul to piece itself back together. Waiting for the "what ifs" to fade. Waiting for the simple promise that time makes; that with time, all things . I survived what I thought unsurvivable, living without you. Living through all of the "never agains", they are just as bad as the "what ifs". Never getting to hug you goodbye one last time. Never again will I kiss you, will I hold your hand, will I see your face. Never again will I wake up next to you, fall asleep resting my hand on your shoulder or against your back. Never again will I lay my head on your chest, feel your heartbeat, your breath. Never again....forever. Forever, the word itself is weighted. It instills tremendous fear and pain in such a context, of losing a best friend and a soulmate, in one cataclysmic event, but I did survive. I am surviving. That is what I keep reminding myself: I am surviving. One day at a time. And so I sit here, waiting. Healing. Slowly, oh so slowly. As I sit, as I wait, I find I am becoming Kintsukuroi. I take comfort in the knowledge that I am now more beautiful for having been mercer PA cheating wives broken. One day, the in my heart and my soul, will be filled with gold, and once more be whole. I am a work of art because of you, because of us. I am stronger, more loving, more understanding, more patient....I am simply more, because of what we were. Now, no matter the "what ifs" and the "never agains", I am that we walked this road together for awhile. Perhaps our paths will cross again, but whether I see you in this life or not, I know I will always have you with me in some way, in my memories, in my soul, in the gold that heals my heart.